Day 37

Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark, for traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart. To weave by picking up the pieces that remain, melodies of life, love's lost refrain. Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why. We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye. And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told? Let them ring out loud till they unfold. In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me. Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name. A voice from the past, joining yours and mine, adding up the layers of harmony. And so it goes, on and on, melodies of life, to the sky beyond the flying birds, forever and beyond. So far and away, see the bird as it flies by, gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky. I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings. Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings. In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me? Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind? If I should leave this lonely world behind, your voice will still remember our melody. Now I know we'll carry on, melodies of life, come circle round and grow deep in our hearts, as long as we remember...

Day 30

I know, you have been busy with your family, work, dating, meet ups & stuff. You might even have a new boyfriend soon, its not suprising. So, afterall this while, I can't deny, it has been the worse time of life I have to go through alone. Losing you, has done me great damage, as well as realised & learnt a lot. It was a mistake we have made that caused this outcome. No one is right or wrong. Perhaps, its fated, perhaps, its destinied. You are just a stepping stone for me to move on to another stage of my life, same goes for me, to u. U decorated this part of my life well. Hope I did well too. Letting go, hurts me a lot, costed me countless sleepless nights, countless days filled with tears. All these, are unavoidable. I can only blame myself for loving you.

Recently, I too, can see, feel that your care & concern faded. Your sms,replies, responds..well if there is any replies. Like I have said, its not suprising you might even have some other guys in mind with the kinda hours you sms me. More to say, how fast you moved on. I start to wonder, is it me too weak,or its you too fast? But, the broke up, consist of a third party afterall, what can I say? Probably, I misjudged and always believed? Until today, I still don't understand what had happened that can't be forgiven, why it can't be left behind & move on. Unknowning what to do, can someone tell me.. Let go someone you didn't wanna live without...

Day 28

Everything..has an expiry date, even for love, relationship. Guess your love for me, has expired. I didn't understand why, for my stories, all, I have received the most damage. When its something I really wanted, when I put in everything, it will end.

Have I been lucky for my life till today, probably I have. Other than gambling, most of the time, I get what I want, with some luck. From 13 years of schooling results to my vacation job lobangs, ns vocation to my job now, probably all have been well taken care of by a guardian angel? Have had good life for all these years. But, probably cupid doesn't flavour me that much.
Indeed, it might be lucky of me, to have different people, that stepped into my life at certain point of time, that aided me in different ways, in terms of school work, accompany, provided resources & stuff.

I don't understand, how feelings can go away just llike that. I only fell deeper day by day. Probably, everything happened for a reason, just like what happened that created II. I am glad it all happened that made me what I am today. I learnt so much at then. Now, definitely, it hurts me so much, but, I believe it happened for a reason. My angel is watching closely over me.
I know, my care, my concern, my effort & my love doesn't mean anything anymore. Letting go is alway cruel, harsh & painful. But I don't have a choice. Everyday, I try to recall what happened in these 2 years, hoping I won't forget us. Well..I guess I failed. Forgeting is eventual, I do hope, for the day, we can walk to the end, hand in hand, with you by my side.
Undenible, I hate u. But I love u so much more. Ending was expected, marriage was bonus..I guess I wanted the bonus too much & forgot what's expected.

The End..

So, after about 1 month's struggle, everything, somehow, comes to an end. Indeed, life is going to move on, days gonna change. I wonder now, who will be the one, replacing the me you once had. I miss the days I had, 1 year ago. Can I ever, hear you say you love me, return to a time, where you still hold me dear? Can I ever, feel the warmth I used to have again?

Wei Li II...I learnt a hard lesson 3 years back, that made me what I am today. My mindset, thinking, practically, everything changed. I learnt to be selfish, unfair, dealing everything in a more practical ways, probably..even vengeances filled me. I only know me, belong to myself. Kill all others than get killed. I played, clubbed, gamed, party like no tomorrow. In order not to get hurted, I chose to harm alot. So after a year of hectic life, she tamed me & made me stayed. She provided me with everything..love, care, concern, warmth, stable life & everything I really wanted. I wanted a stable & peaceful life. Over time, I even forgot, why is there II. Even though, everyday, I see it on my nick, but slowly, the vengeful spirit of mind faded.

Wei Li III...3 years after II, I took a hard & painful lesson again. So III...what lesson I learnt? It is never to forget why there is II & cherish what I have everyday. Nothing lasts forever. I don't know what will become of me..probably back to old times....

Day 22

Wonder if you ever see me & I, wonder if you know I am there.

A colourless night.

So..what do you do, when you are alone in the night? Lie on your bed, think about your past, life & everything? Get a scroll nearby & feel the night breeze?

Nights feel colder, when I am alone, stars seem so bright. Probably, they have alway shined so, just that I didn't notice them. Everything around, feels so different without your presence. Shadow of yours, appeared everywhere. A colourless night...

For 2 yrs, from BMT to my unit, ORDed, to looking for jobs, found a job, coping it & eventual, changing of job, coping it till now. Every single turn in life, well, I can't say its hard for me or what, but I have alway know, you are there supporting me, there for me.

During BMT, times were tough, but you, were there. Your words comfort me to sleep every night. The change of life in my unit, well, certainly, everyone would feel..uneasy coping into a new environment, a change, but you were there, I wasn't afraid.

After I ORDed, job search. It wasn't tough, but it wasn't easy either, with interviews & stuff, but I know after every interview, how well I did or how badly it turned out, you are just a call away to hear me out, a message away to be found. Finally, I decided to take up a logistics job, honestly, because its near you. I don't know even know about logistics. At then, although there wasn't that much work for me, but I find it, quite hard for me to cope with the workpace, workplace, colleagues. In ns, I been having too much of the good life. But, it never once felt bad with your support. I was still happy, able to see you everyday, your breakfast daily and our often lunch meetups. I can find you easily when I felt bad. Life ain't that good, but I was truely, satisfied. It was a hard choice to to make, giving up daily meet ups, often lunch & going home together, but I decided to quit after 2 weeks. The work after all, is not suitable for me, & too, its not earning a lot to provide us good life.

I moved on to NYK, although its like only a $500 different, but its a job where I can provide you a better life right away, which I have alway wanted. Who likes working irregular hours anyway? Perhaps, you didn't see good future in me? Perhaps, you think I ain't able to provide you with a satisfied life? I never know. It was something, I didn't have a chance to ask, didn't have the chance to know.

Everytime, when I am feeling weak & small, you are the one that comes in my mind. Everytime, when I have problems, I turned to u.

On a street that only my shadow moves, only my footsteps sounded, I feel loneliness, yet traces of serenity. What is this world without you I asked myself. Its probably..just another world, with another day. I hope for your well being and happiness.

Come to think of it, I have graduated secondary school for 6 years, known her for about 7 years, graduated from poly for 3 years, known FJJLB for 3 years..maybe not Tiny. I get to know her, after we got together. Time flys. So I can say, Tiny have never seen me single before. Well..time's up, unknowingly, I have walked & blogged so long at the same time. Its time to work already.

Notice me, take my hand. Why are we, strangers land?
Our love is strong, why carry on without me?
Everytime i try to fly, i fall.
Without my wings i feel so small.
And everytime I see you in my dreams, I see your face, its haunting me.
I made believe, that you are here.
Its the only way, I see clear.
What have i done?
You seem to move uneasy.
I may have made it rain.
Please forgive me.
My weakness caused you pain, and this songs my sorry.

Day 18

Well..had a talk with her, so...everything has come to an end. If feelings wanna go, no one can say no. I don't blame her..its inevitable. I truely, didn't see her coming back in my life too. If this didn't happened, I may never know, love feels like that. If this didn't happened, one day, when she realise everything, it might be too late. Regardlessly, I never knew, I fell so deep for her. Hopefully, 1 day, she will come back, with all her heart. I was afraid of pain, didn't dare to put in my heart. Until I met her, she unlocked me & made me put in my everything. Why..loving her, has this outcome...?

The last gift, that was meant for her...probably, she don't have what it takes to accept it anymore. Too, probably, I don't have what it takes, to give her anymore..it will be gone forever.